Survival mode: the traveling spouse

Times have changed and both parents don’t always come home at 4pm everyday.  For a lot of today’s families, one parent boards a plane while the other stays home and holds the fort down.   It is hard on everyone involved, and it takes a lot to keep from feeling sorry for yourself.  I have lived with a traveling husband for nearly 7 out of the past 9 years.  It puts a strain on you, your marriage, and your children.  But it’s not something you can’t cope with and get past.  It can be done and it has taken me several years to get to a point where I handle it well.

Here’s a few tips that I’ve learned in the past several years:

• Don’t complain about your spouse being gone in front of your kids.  It’s your job to help them cope, you’re the strong one.   If you’re moping, it won’t set the right example.
• You have a mission:  Make 4 days feel like 2 days.   Do something spontaneous, keep the kids guessing.  A simple trip to the library or an after dinner ice cream run will help keep everyone’s mind off of the person who isn’t at home.
• Create special memories for you and your kids.  Look at this as some extra one-on-one quality time with you.  Cuddle and watch a movie, make a card for Daddy, or schedule a nightly video (Skype) call.
• Don’t forget about the traveling spouse!  Being away is hard on them too, you’re not the only one who is lonely and suffering.  They sometimes feel like a guest in their own home because they never know where anything goes, things change while they’re gone, etc.  I try to remind myself daily that I’m at least grateful that I have my kids with me.  I can’t even imagine being away from them AND my spouse.
• A friend who had a traveling father once told me that his mother made the kids feel like their dad was around by making sure he knew what was going on in their lives.  Keep them aware of school events, friends’ names, and more or less what the kids are “into” these days.
• Build your network.  This is imperative.  Get out of your comfort zone and make some mommy friends.  They can usually understand what you’re going through, even if their spouse doesn’t travel.  If you luck out and find another mom who has an out of town hubby, make dinner and ask them over.
• After you’ve worked so hard to keep your children’s mind off of your spouse’s absence, then you have to do the same for yourself.  Find a purpose.  Read a book, volunteer, anything that is just for you and  keeps you busy.  Sitting around pining for them won’t make the time go faster, just the opposite actually.
• Don’t forget your marriage!  Call, skype, email.  Keep in touch on the mundane daily stuff, it’s just as important as the biggies.  Do something special to show you missed them.  Make a favorite meal or rent a movie you think they’ll like.  When they get home it will mean a lot to them.

It’s hard and it’s something each family has to handle in their own way.  There is a way to make it work, it will just take a lot of extra effort on everyone’s part.

Random Posts